I'm starting to get the feeling that someone does not want me to go on my upcoming glorious vacation to Mexico.
When we booked our trip back to Le Blanc for our anniversary, we were giddy with excitement and anticipation of drinking on the beach and gaining 5 to 10 lbs from eating 4 to 5 meals a day.
Then came the Mexican drug violence headlines splashed on newspapers and the internet. I couldn't get into my car without an NPR story on the spreading violence.
We figured if we stayed in our magical all-inclusive hotel which is guarded by security guards with guns we would be fine. Bring on the margaritas in the sun!
Now swine flu. The media has gone oinkers covering this 'epidemic'. My Dad is praying… My Mom is encouraging massive amounts of alcohol to 'kill off the virus' – Now that's more like it!
So in dealing with one of my many sinus infections last week, I visited my Dr and asked about the big, bad, piggy flu. Wouldn't you know, more people have died from the regular, old influenza virus than the swine flu and just like the influenza virus, the swine flu is treatable. Wash your hands. Use sanitizer. Stay away from sick people. If we have flu like symptoms when we return come see him.
Now flights to Mexico are being canceled and my amazing vacation is in peril.
I am not at all worried about the swine flu and I am sure I will not contract this virus if we are able to travel to the infected country.
BUT, I gotta say and please don't judge me…. I don't think it would even be that horrible to contract the pig flu. I would be famous. I could be a local hero because my office would have to be closed for a week! I would 'work from home' in quarantine for weeks while I was re-cooping from the scary pig flu by watching day-time tv and movies. I will finally get my money's worth from our monthly payments for HBO and Showtime. Plus, think of the lifetime of jokes I could use with that material – swine flu alone sounds hilarious.
Okay, okay, you're right. I guess it would not be worth it.
Imagine me with one of those sexy, blue, paper face masks while sunning by the infinity pool. That is going to leave an amazing tan line
How do you say, "Two margaritas, hold the swine flu, please" in Spanish?
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Childhood 2.0
I brought my most embarrassing photos to work and had Kelly pick the creme of the crop - here you go!
*Top left - I apparently was hiding? From my scary dinner of steak? I was definitly up to no good. I love that I ate dinner on a kitchen towl with a crayolla cup and silly putty. Talk about living it up! I only wish I had that couch in my livingroom today. What a magnificent piece of furniture.
*Top right - I had aspirations of being a synchronized swimmer.... by myself
*Middle left - proof I have ALWAYS had my 'Ukrainian Hump'. Also, I loved being a 'naked ninny'. I would spend my day/night taking my clothes off while my parents spent their day/night putting them back on me. I knew I should have been a striper.... oh well.
*Bottom left - I was born with a full head of dark, black hair then it all fell out and.... didn't grow back... until I was 4. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that my parents wanted a boy when I look at this picture. With my Ukrainian hump I very well may have been Kevin instead of Kat?
*Bottom middle - one word - AWESOMENESS!
*Bottom right - I have always been and will always be white trash. Yes, that is me in only a diaper eating whipped cream directly out of the can. I still do this to this day... I also have a special place in my heart for easy cheese directly into my mouth from the can.
*Top left - I apparently was hiding? From my scary dinner of steak? I was definitly up to no good. I love that I ate dinner on a kitchen towl with a crayolla cup and silly putty. Talk about living it up! I only wish I had that couch in my livingroom today. What a magnificent piece of furniture.
*Top right - I had aspirations of being a synchronized swimmer.... by myself
*Middle left - proof I have ALWAYS had my 'Ukrainian Hump'. Also, I loved being a 'naked ninny'. I would spend my day/night taking my clothes off while my parents spent their day/night putting them back on me. I knew I should have been a striper.... oh well.
*Bottom left - I was born with a full head of dark, black hair then it all fell out and.... didn't grow back... until I was 4. Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that my parents wanted a boy when I look at this picture. With my Ukrainian hump I very well may have been Kevin instead of Kat?
*Bottom middle - one word - AWESOMENESS!
*Bottom right - I have always been and will always be white trash. Yes, that is me in only a diaper eating whipped cream directly out of the can. I still do this to this day... I also have a special place in my heart for easy cheese directly into my mouth from the can.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Early Onset Adultism
Being an adult blows. Responsibility.... Yuck! Savings accounts and 401Ks...Blah! Down payments on a house.... Vomit!
I am turning 29 in 3 days and surprisingly, I am not dreading my birthday as I anticipated. I think it is due to the fabulous festivities that are lined up to think about instead(Who's Bad on Friday & Barcadia on Saturday). However, it does get me thinking about being and adult and what a 'kick-ass' time I had as a kid.
Oh, to wake up, roll out of bed, eat 3 doughnuts for breakfast then lick the icing off the 4th without even having a basic understanding or care for calories, put on your favorite summer uniform - a one-piece swimsuit. Then head outside with no concern for basic hygiene to meet your friends for the daily barefoot bike ride to A. The neighborhood 7-11 for candy B. The community pool, where the lifeguard was more of a neighborhood babysitter than a qualified lifesaver (and who also dated my Dad so I got to swim during safety break - yeah, suck it!) C. The park, where 1 out of 5 kids broke some body part playing unsupervised D. The woods, where you built forts to play house along side the water moccasins and copper heads.
I miss playing hide and go seek, swamp monster and tag. I was never very good at these games but they honed my cheating/tantrum skills.
I miss bold neon colors, hyper color shirts, game boys, pogo balls, slap bracelets and my extensive collection of trolls.
Responsibility was cleaning my room before my Granny came to visit once a year. I use 'cleaning' lightly; really, I just threw everything in my 'dirty dunk' clothes hamper. Making good grades - which was easy since I was that absolutely annoying teacher's pet that did anything for their attention which I mistakenly took as affection. In addition, not losing my multi-colored retainer which meant I had to dig through the entire middle school's dumpster filled with trash from lunch on not 1 but 2 occasions and found it BOTH times!
I guess I could focus on the fact that I have an iphone instead of a neon green beeper, a car I love instead of a bike with a banana seat. I have my amazing husband instead of zit-faced Hunter Levi, who asked me out in front of 6th grade English class then let me know he asked me out as a 'dare' and dumped me after school on my families answering machine with 12 laughing kids as background noise. Also, I no longer wear my house key around my neck every day on a Lee camera string (remember those cameras where you had to buy the flash separately with the film!) and I realized back in 1992 that I do not look good with a perm. In fact, when I had a perm I had a striking resemblance to a chia pet.
OK.... Now I am starting to feel a little better about being an adult.... But, I would feel even more amazing if I could find Hunter Levi and kick his adult ass.
Childhood collage –
Top left, my summer 'uniform'
Top right, me showing off my radical pogo-ball/jump roping skills – notice my fabulous pink tie-die shorts
Bottom left, proof of my chia pet perm (this is when it was growing out) and the purple lee camera string (look close) that held my house key that I wore around my neck daily. And apparently refused to remove for the yearly school picture. Man, I was attractive.
Bottom Left, my prized troll collection. Check out the outfit – remember units were the bomb?
I am turning 29 in 3 days and surprisingly, I am not dreading my birthday as I anticipated. I think it is due to the fabulous festivities that are lined up to think about instead(Who's Bad on Friday & Barcadia on Saturday). However, it does get me thinking about being and adult and what a 'kick-ass' time I had as a kid.
Oh, to wake up, roll out of bed, eat 3 doughnuts for breakfast then lick the icing off the 4th without even having a basic understanding or care for calories, put on your favorite summer uniform - a one-piece swimsuit. Then head outside with no concern for basic hygiene to meet your friends for the daily barefoot bike ride to A. The neighborhood 7-11 for candy B. The community pool, where the lifeguard was more of a neighborhood babysitter than a qualified lifesaver (and who also dated my Dad so I got to swim during safety break - yeah, suck it!) C. The park, where 1 out of 5 kids broke some body part playing unsupervised D. The woods, where you built forts to play house along side the water moccasins and copper heads.
I miss playing hide and go seek, swamp monster and tag. I was never very good at these games but they honed my cheating/tantrum skills.
I miss bold neon colors, hyper color shirts, game boys, pogo balls, slap bracelets and my extensive collection of trolls.
Responsibility was cleaning my room before my Granny came to visit once a year. I use 'cleaning' lightly; really, I just threw everything in my 'dirty dunk' clothes hamper. Making good grades - which was easy since I was that absolutely annoying teacher's pet that did anything for their attention which I mistakenly took as affection. In addition, not losing my multi-colored retainer which meant I had to dig through the entire middle school's dumpster filled with trash from lunch on not 1 but 2 occasions and found it BOTH times!
I guess I could focus on the fact that I have an iphone instead of a neon green beeper, a car I love instead of a bike with a banana seat. I have my amazing husband instead of zit-faced Hunter Levi, who asked me out in front of 6th grade English class then let me know he asked me out as a 'dare' and dumped me after school on my families answering machine with 12 laughing kids as background noise. Also, I no longer wear my house key around my neck every day on a Lee camera string (remember those cameras where you had to buy the flash separately with the film!) and I realized back in 1992 that I do not look good with a perm. In fact, when I had a perm I had a striking resemblance to a chia pet.
OK.... Now I am starting to feel a little better about being an adult.... But, I would feel even more amazing if I could find Hunter Levi and kick his adult ass.
Childhood collage –
Top left, my summer 'uniform'
Top right, me showing off my radical pogo-ball/jump roping skills – notice my fabulous pink tie-die shorts
Bottom left, proof of my chia pet perm (this is when it was growing out) and the purple lee camera string (look close) that held my house key that I wore around my neck daily. And apparently refused to remove for the yearly school picture. Man, I was attractive.
Bottom Left, my prized troll collection. Check out the outfit – remember units were the bomb?
Happy Birthday to ME...
To the tune of Happy Birthday..
Happy Birthday to ME, Happy Birthday to ME. Thank you Jason Shorney for the joint checking account.
Ok, it is NOT to the tune of Happy Birthday - but whatever!
Here is my gift I bought myself today from my husband, who will find out…. eventually.
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